virtually detached

I’d forgotten how much I loved bacon… I was enjoying every single piece while watching Armageddon. What is it about that movie? It never seemed to get old. Oh yeah! After this I decided, Troy!

Holidays were getting monotonous and I’d developed my routine. It was simple: Minimum 3 sappy movies, facebook and some good food. Stepping out in the heat, no way. I was in my ‘nooone-s-gonna-see-me-except-mom’ pyjamas when the phone rang.

‘Hello?’ I hadn’t heard that voice in almost a year but there was no mistaking it. I wasn’t going to be stupid so I said ‘Who’s this?’, and the inevitable reply came. ‘Why the hell are you calling me?’

‘Just like that, wanted to talk…’

THUD… I’ve always wanted to hang up like that.

And again ‘Please just listen-‘ THUD… Awesome. I didn’t know I could be so cruel. And then the doorbell rang. No way, that doesn’t happen! It couldn’t possibly be him but it was.

Then I got the ‘I was an idiot. It was a big mistake… blah blah blah’ same speech right at the doorway. Well obviously I wasn’t going to let him in. I totally spaced out, not even listening, just watching him speak as I thought of a hundred things. I was in my above mentioned pyjamas, a t-shirt that could fit two of me, hair never looked worse, and bacon and mayo in my mouth. Hearing how beautiful I looked, should’ve made me feel great.

‘You talking to me?’ I said and I smiled. I hadn’t smiled at him in a long time. Don’t know how I managed it And THUD, this time the door. ‘Please, this time its different trust me…’ And I ran up when the phone rang again.

‘Babe did he come? He said he was gonna come over to talk to you, just wanted to warn you. Just don’t talk to him ok.’

‘Ah I slammed the door…’

‘Are you serious? I though you might be upset’ she laughed, ‘I always knew you were a bitch. But I’ll never understand how you got over it so easy, I wish I could be like that. Are you sure you’re ok?’

‘Let’s find someone cuter tonight. Meet me at ccd, 7 o clock ok?’ I could picture her laughing at him.

She laughed, ‘Emotionless freak! It’s a date.’ She hung up. The phone was almost wet from the tears and my eyes were burning…

too good to be true!

Why do we even say that? If everything works out well, why is that it is our instinct to question it or assume it to be jinxed. Have we become so cynical that we refuse to believe that happy endings do exist? It is mainly because I don't think we know how to define happy... Maybe things do get messed up often, but mostly I feel it seems that way because we expect too much.

My friend Sangay has this theory about Hindi movies. She says enter and watch with no expectations and you’ll come out satisfied. Because we all know most of it sucks, but frankly we take some sort of pleasure in cribbing about it.

I think she’s making a valid statement, and it’s not just about movies. Miracles don’t happen and I agree, but we can’t use that as an excuse to not believe that things could turn out really amazing.

I still believe I can get high without a single drink (company matters…)
I still believe that there is at least one person out there just to make you feel good about yourself as there are those to make you feel bad about yourself.

I may be an atheist, but in this case, I’m a staunch believer. I rest my case.

drama queen

She kept walking. It didn’t seem okay. Was she doing the right thing? Lying, she supposed, was relative. Is lying ‘lying’ when noone found out? The thing is, how would anyone ever know she was lying unless she spilt the beans or of course, if he let her down. But that wasn’t going to happen because he needed to keep up his reputation as well… Or does he?

Aditi had never been in a relationship as long as she could remember. Dealing with it wasn’t the only problem, how could she ever justify what all she’d done. Would he ever believe that she still loved him if he knew what she did? Then again, “love” was just a tag. She wasn’t sure if she knew the meaning. Maybe it was a just a word you’re forced to put in after it’s been a while. She felt like laughing. Or crying? She wasn’t sure.

It all seemed so dramatic. The only thing missing was pouring rain and some funny music that supposed to make you contemplate. But there was at least something she was sure of. Number one, that stuff happens only in movies. And number two, not a tad bitchy, but as bitchy as it might seem, to her, conscience was a myth. As many sappy movies as she’d seen, he maybe a Cary Grant but she definitely was no Deborah Kerr.

The truth is, the inside story is never told. Just how many guys did Deborah Kerr screw in that six month wait? Did they really hit it off after that? Well that’s what people really wanted to know, ‘Affairs to forget’. She dug into her bag for that last Marlboro and lit up. One thing was for sure, she’d never have the guts to tell him unless she was dumping him. She then sat on the bench overlooking the valley. One thing she’d never been comfortable with was going out alone. As much as she believed herself to be a strong, independent woman, somethings just wouldn’t change.

Then she dialled the only person who would take this bullshit from her. “Hey Dhanu, you up?” “Bitch when have you ever bothered? Tell me.” But somehow she couldn’t. Words were stuck inside, stuff she’d only read in books. “You drunk?” It jolted her back to reality. “No just wanted to talk. Forget it I’ll call you tomorrow, it’s late” and she hung up.

She got up. It was all crap. Nothing changed her. She’d always been this way as long at she could remember. The romantic rain was something meant for girls who had nothing better to do than curl up with a Mills and Boon novel at night. To think of it, she’d never read one. Stubbing out the cigarette, she put her phone back in her bag. And that’s when it started to drizzle…

*Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

teen-(wha?)-age

is it true? do teenagers really not know what they're doing?

i can firmly say i was mature enough and i knew exactly what i was doin the past 3 yrs. but am i fooling myself? i can't decide. i'm turning twenty in a couple of months and believe me thats hyuuuge...

wen i was 13 i thought im not 10 anymore i know what im doin. same with 16 and 13 and with 19 and 16. but 20 seems like a whole new level u know. people mite actually start listening to what im saying.

as cool as it is, sounds scary. i never pictured myself in a place where i've to take care of myself 'completely' even though that mite not happen til i finish college... like 22! the world just seems mainly expensive.

plus how can i do that in a place where deep down everyone still thinks im a kid! truthfully, its hard to be taken seriously wen u're hyper and u a 5'4" and look 16! the brighter side is, its exciting. will my opinion actually be valued among the so-calld adults. its a chance, shouldn let my hopes down

but wen will i really feel like im all grown up? does anyone ever feel all grown up or is it an illusion. do people just force themselves to act grown up to be respected and considered mature.

given a chance would they still pick li'l fights and punch each other, slam doors, sip on extra large ice teas and extra extra large popcorns, watch 3 movies back to back, run to an empty swing, speed on empty roads or buy pink balloons?
whoa! do i want to grow up :)

pissed off

i want to live in a world where a can do watever the shit i want
im EIGHTEEN.. and being treated like a kid is not very nice
i've never written a post so disgusted.. shows how i feel
my head is bursting with things to say but i have to shut them all inside
funnily enough its not the people who piss me off, its the situation and the way things are
someone once asked me that if u cud change one thing abt urself wat wud it be.. blah blah blah..
i've always answered with nothing
still stands true, but i would LOOOVE to change a lot of things around me, believe me a lot
i just dont believe that patience is a virtue anymore
maybe it is my fault that things aren't going right
but if i could just make my own mistakes, i would be fine
the "interference" is what is bothering me
i know writing all this down doesnt help
but i just wanted to..
for the last time, please.. let me be...

Dancing in the dark

She smiled at her reflection in the dark. It all seemed like so long ago...

"I'm coming pa...” Tara glanced at herself in the mirror for one last time and ran to the hall, “I’m ready”, she smiled. Her father turned back and grunted, “You look nice.” She beamed. It wasn’t often that she received a compliment from him. It had never been the same since her mother died, or so she’d thought. That was 11 long years ago. Time, she’d assumed, didn’t heal well enough in her case. An average 17 year old and a passionate dancer, Tara had learnt to let life be, learnt to accept things as they were, learnt to love her father…

Her legs ached from the strain, but she was relieved. Dancing was not only her passion but also her only way of relieving stress. It had always worked, through 11 years. She turned on the lights to check the time.

“Let me get my shoes,” she raced back into her room. The phone began to ring as she searched. She kept looking as it went on and on, and she finally picked it up. Hearing the click of the parallel line and her father’s voice, she was about to put it down. And then she heard her name…

‘Was it really yesterday?’ She counted on her clock. She hadn’t opened the door since the previous evening. She was starving, but that’s not what was killing her. She turned off the lights and drew the curtains.

“…Tara’s dance today. I promise you, 5 o clock tomorrow.”
He, who was so distant and seemed so uncaring, had cancelled his plans for her. She was too happy for words.
“Do you think I care?” It was a woman’s voice, “You promised me a dinner and I’m sick of it Rahul. When on earth is she turning 18 and why do we have to wait?”
“Soon, soon. It’s not my fault. Her stupid bitch of a mother left her everything. A few months and a couple of signatures and then I never have to see her again. We'll go to Geneva, just as you always wanted…”
THUD
She slammed the phone down. Tears just wouldn’t come. She’d always imagined that somewhere deep down, her father had loved her.

The music continued, she turned up the volume. She’d learnt to accept things as they were… and will always be…

nail-biting...?

sitting in sindhi model school hall, 45 mins before the start of the XII final exams, nail-biting...?hmmm.. i don't think so. more like entertaining :D . well yea, thats ofcourse if ur prepared.. but trust me, even if ur not, there are a looot o things to keep one distracted.

1. i don't know how ppl were in the hall... but i'm sure krithika knows the number of rows, columns (straight an diagonal), boys, girls, invigilators (men an women), chairs, who-s-sitting-whr... blah.. blah.. blah..
2. its surprising how numerous students develop a sudden devotional and god-fearing attitude.. wow!
3. an just how many glasses of water did nari drink.. 473 or 474??
4. maybe candy shud've sat a li'l more relaxed, den he mite have kicked an made the guy in front of him topple over
5. barath sure looked like - 'am i gonna get 70 or am i gonna get 70'
6. ahh.. an ofcourse i got the priceless EEE-i-have-w.h.i.t.e-teeth trademark smile from hrush an bg
7. deepthi was puffing away to glory with her inhaler
8. apparently the hall ticket can get very interestin, i am yet to find out how, but shankar rao was staring at it for lik 20 mins
9. oh yea.. sniff.. atul gupte had caught the i.have.to.look.in.3.different.directions.in.a.single.second disease..
10. aditya nair thinks.. *aaaah.. i have transcended the material world. trivial things like board marks shud not matter anymor...* or shud it *blink blink*
11. tariq rauf -> boards -> wat? -> exams -> waaat? -> marks -> waaaaat? -> chemistry -> boohoo..

:) gets interesting day by day.. and ofcourse, i'm sitting utterly joblessly as well, seeing all this...