N'fin much!!

virtually detached

2009-05-26T03:40:00.000-07:00

I’d forgotten how much I loved bacon… I was enjoying every single piece while watching Armageddon. What is it about that movie? It never seemed to get old. Oh yeah! After this I decided, Troy!

Holidays were getting monotonous and I’d developed my routine. It was simple: Minimum 3 sappy movies, facebook and some good food. Stepping out in the heat, no way. I was in my ‘nooone-s-gonna-see-me-except-mom’ pyjamas when the phone rang.

‘Hello?’ I hadn’t heard that voice in almost a year but there was no mistaking it. I wasn’t going to be stupid so I said ‘Who’s this?’, and the inevitable reply came. ‘Why the hell are you calling me?’

‘Just like that, wanted to talk…’

THUD… I’ve always wanted to hang up like that.

And again ‘Please just listen-‘ THUD… Awesome. I didn’t know I could be so cruel. And then the doorbell rang. No way, that doesn’t happen! It couldn’t possibly be him but it was.

Then I got the ‘I was an idiot. It was a big mistake… blah blah blah’ same speech right at the doorway. Well obviously I wasn’t going to let him in. I totally spaced out, not even listening, just watching him speak as I thought of a hundred things. I was in my above mentioned pyjamas, a t-shirt that could fit two of me, hair never looked worse, and bacon and mayo in my mouth. Hearing how beautiful I looked, should’ve made me feel great.

‘You talking to me?’ I said and I smiled. I hadn’t smiled at him in a long time. Don’t know how I managed it And THUD, this time the door. ‘Please, this time its different trust me…’ And I ran up when the phone rang again.

‘Babe did he come? He said he was gonna come over to talk to you, just wanted to warn you. Just don’t talk to him ok.’

‘Ah I slammed the door…’

‘Are you serious? I though you might be upset’ she laughed, ‘I always knew you were a bitch. But I’ll never understand how you got over it so easy, I wish I could be like that. Are you sure you’re ok?’

‘Let’s find someone cuter tonight. Meet me at ccd, 7 o clock ok?’ I could picture her laughing at him.

She laughed, ‘Emotionless freak! It’s a date.’ She hung up. The phone was almost wet from the tears and my eyes were burning…

too good to be true!

2009-05-07T02:20:00.000-07:00

Why do we even say that? If everything works out well, why is that it is our instinct to question it or assume it to be jinxed. Have we become so cynical that we refuse to believe that happy endings do exist? It is mainly because I don't think we know how to define happy... Maybe things do get messed up often, but mostly I feel it seems that way because we expect too much.

My friend Sangay has this theory about Hindi movies. She says enter and watch with no expectations and you’ll come out satisfied. Because we all know most of it sucks, but frankly we take some sort of pleasure in cribbing about it.

I think she’s making a valid statement, and it’s not just about movies. Miracles don’t happen and I agree, but we can’t use that as an excuse to not believe that things could turn out really amazing.

I still believe I can get high without a single drink (company matters…)
I still believe that there is at least one person out there just to make you feel good about yourself as there are those to make you feel bad about yourself.

I may be an atheist, but in this case, I’m a staunch believer. I rest my case.

drama queen

2009-01-25T10:07:00.000-08:00

She kept walking. It didn’t seem okay. Was she doing the right thing? Lying, she supposed, was relative. Is lying ‘lying’ when noone found out? The thing is, how would anyone ever know she was lying unless she spilt the beans or of course, if he let her down. But that wasn’t going to happen because he needed to keep up his reputation as well… Or does he?

Aditi had never been in a relationship as long as she could remember. Dealing with it wasn’t the only problem, how could she ever justify what all she’d done. Would he ever believe that she still loved him if he knew what she did? Then again, “love” was just a tag. She wasn’t sure if she knew the meaning. Maybe it was a just a word you’re forced to put in after it’s been a while. She felt like laughing. Or crying? She wasn’t sure.

It all seemed so dramatic. The only thing missing was pouring rain and some funny music that supposed to make you contemplate. But there was at least something she was sure of. Number one, that stuff happens only in movies. And number two, not a tad bitchy, but as bitchy as it might seem, to her, conscience was a myth. As many sappy movies as she’d seen, he maybe a Cary Grant but she definitely was no Deborah Kerr.

The truth is, the inside story is never told. Just how many guys did Deborah Kerr screw in that six month wait? Did they really hit it off after that? Well that’s what people really wanted to know, ‘Affairs to forget’. She dug into her bag for that last Marlboro and lit up. One thing was for sure, she’d never have the guts to tell him unless she was dumping him. She then sat on the bench overlooking the valley. One thing she’d never been comfortable with was going out alone. As much as she believed herself to be a strong, independent woman, somethings just wouldn’t change.

Then she dialled the only person who would take this bullshit from her. “Hey Dhanu, you up?” “Bitch when have you ever bothered? Tell me.” But somehow she couldn’t. Words were stuck inside, stuff she’d only read in books. “You drunk?” It jolted her back to reality. “No just wanted to talk. Forget it I’ll call you tomorrow, it’s late” and she hung up.

She got up. It was all crap. Nothing changed her. She’d always been this way as long at she could remember. The romantic rain was something meant for girls who had nothing better to do than curl up with a Mills and Boon novel at night. To think of it, she’d never read one. Stubbing out the cigarette, she put her phone back in her bag. And that’s when it started to drizzle…

*Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

teen-(wha?)-age

2008-12-28T20:52:00.000-08:00

is it true? do teenagers really not know what they're doing?

i can firmly say i was mature enough and i knew exactly what i was doin the past 3 yrs. but am i fooling myself? i can't decide. i'm turning twenty in a couple of months and believe me thats hyuuuge...

wen i was 13 i thought im not 10 anymore i know what im doin. same with 16 and 13 and with 19 and 16. but 20 seems like a whole new level u know. people mite actually start listening to what im saying.

as cool as it is, sounds scary. i never pictured myself in a place where i've to take care of myself 'completely' even though that mite not happen til i finish college... like 22! the world just seems mainly expensive.

plus how can i do that in a place where deep down everyone still thinks im a kid! truthfully, its hard to be taken seriously wen u're hyper and u a 5'4" and look 16! the brighter side is, its exciting. will my opinion actually be valued among the so-calld adults. its a chance, shouldn let my hopes down

but wen will i really feel like im all grown up? does anyone ever feel all grown up or is it an illusion. do people just force themselves to act grown up to be respected and considered mature.

given a chance would they still pick li'l fights and punch each other, slam doors, sip on extra large ice teas and extra extra large popcorns, watch 3 movies back to back, run to an empty swing, speed on empty roads or buy pink balloons?
whoa! do i want to grow up :)

pissed off

2008-05-05T07:51:00.000-07:00

i want to live in a world where a can do watever the shit i want
im EIGHTEEN.. and being treated like a kid is not very nice
i've never written a post so disgusted.. shows how i feel
my head is bursting with things to say but i have to shut them all inside
funnily enough its not the people who piss me off, its the situation and the way things are
someone once asked me that if u cud change one thing abt urself wat wud it be.. blah blah blah..
i've always answered with nothing
still stands true, but i would LOOOVE to change a lot of things around me, believe me a lot
i just dont believe that patience is a virtue anymore
maybe it is my fault that things aren't going right
but if i could just make my own mistakes, i would be fine
the "interference" is what is bothering me
i know writing all this down doesnt help
but i just wanted to..
for the last time, please.. let me be...

Dancing in the dark

2007-04-19T09:33:00.000-07:00

She smiled at her reflection in the dark. It all seemed like so long ago...

"I'm coming pa...” Tara glanced at herself in the mirror for one last time and ran to the hall, “I’m ready”, she smiled. Her father turned back and grunted, “You look nice.” She beamed. It wasn’t often that she received a compliment from him. It had never been the same since her mother died, or so she’d thought. That was 11 long years ago. Time, she’d assumed, didn’t heal well enough in her case. An average 17 year old and a passionate dancer, Tara had learnt to let life be, learnt to accept things as they were, learnt to love her father…

Her legs ached from the strain, but she was relieved. Dancing was not only her passion but also her only way of relieving stress. It had always worked, through 11 years. She turned on the lights to check the time.

“Let me get my shoes,” she raced back into her room. The phone began to ring as she searched. She kept looking as it went on and on, and she finally picked it up. Hearing the click of the parallel line and her father’s voice, she was about to put it down. And then she heard her name…

‘Was it really yesterday?’ She counted on her clock. She hadn’t opened the door since the previous evening. She was starving, but that’s not what was killing her. She turned off the lights and drew the curtains.

“…Tara’s dance today. I promise you, 5 o clock tomorrow.”
He, who was so distant and seemed so uncaring, had cancelled his plans for her. She was too happy for words.
“Do you think I care?” It was a woman’s voice, “You promised me a dinner and I’m sick of it Rahul. When on earth is she turning 18 and why do we have to wait?”
“Soon, soon. It’s not my fault. Her stupid bitch of a mother left her everything. A few months and a couple of signatures and then I never have to see her again. We'll go to Geneva, just as you always wanted…”
THUD
She slammed the phone down. Tears just wouldn’t come. She’d always imagined that somewhere deep down, her father had loved her.

The music continued, she turned up the volume. She’d learnt to accept things as they were… and will always be…

nail-biting...?

2007-03-07T07:24:00.000-08:00

sitting in sindhi model school hall, 45 mins before the start of the XII final exams, nail-biting...?hmmm.. i don't think so. more like entertaining :D . well yea, thats ofcourse if ur prepared.. but trust me, even if ur not, there are a looot o things to keep one distracted.

i don't know how ppl were in the hall... but i'm sure krithika knows the number of rows, columns (straight an diagonal), boys, girls, invigilators (men an women), chairs, who-s-sitting-whr... blah.. blah.. blah..
its surprising how numerous students develop a sudden devotional and god-fearing attitude.. wow!
an just how many glasses of water did nari drink.. 473 or 474??
maybe candy shud've sat a li'l more relaxed, den he mite have kicked an made the guy in front of him topple over
barath sure looked like - 'am i gonna get 70 or am i gonna get 70'
ahh.. an ofcourse i got the priceless EEE-i-have-w.h.i.t.e-teeth trademark smile from hrush an bg
deepthi was puffing away to glory with her inhaler
apparently the hall ticket can get very interestin, i am yet to find out how, but shankar rao was staring at it for lik 20 mins
oh yea.. sniff.. atul gupte had caught the i.have.to.look.in.3.different.directions.in.a.single.second disease..
aditya nair thinks.. *aaaah.. i have transcended the material world. trivial things like board marks shud not matter anymor...* or shud it *blink blink*
tariq rauf -> boards -> wat? -> exams -> waaat? -> marks -> waaaaat? -> chemistry -> boohoo..

:) gets interesting day by day.. and ofcourse, i'm sitting utterly joblessly as well, seeing all this...

:P

2007-03-01T02:58:00.000-08:00

ah!

2007-01-29T23:23:00.000-08:00

when u jus feel like writin it down.. things i love in life!!!

pink balloons
on the beach... sand between my toes
lyin in the terrace
pork in hot garlic sauce
george clooney
horror movies
troy... sigh
riding in the nite
the 3 15 bell
winnin lucky dips
a snap whr i smiled properly
findin ten bucks from nowhr
litchee juice
ice tea
phonecalls at midnite :)
3 on 3 half court
last day of exams..
popcorn with extra extra butter
perfect shade o nailpolish
shopping with dad's card
parks... swinging!!!
brownies with icecream an hot choc fugde
the perfect drink

i cud go on an on ....

finally... for the horizon!

2007-01-16T22:34:00.000-08:00

took them quite a lot of coaxing to make me write for the horizon. finally did it! here it is...

Teenage assertiveness

For the grownups…

Considering the fact that I’ve had 5 years of being a teenager, I think I’m eligible to write on this topic. The oxford defines assertive as confident and forceful. So, ‘assertive’ is the perfect word for teenage… neither stubborn nor aggressive, but assertive.

Today’s teens, whether the elder generation agree or not, are a whole class apart. Maybe some ways of life have changed and some values may have been sacrificed, but there have been remarkable changes. Life in the era of the 2000’s can be described very easily – it’s a continuous fight - you loosen up a little, and someone else gets ahead. There are a gazillion problems and pressures that every teenager puts up with every single day (and we’re not discussing just academics or exams). Funnily enough, the simple fact that he or she still survives shows how strong they are.

There’s a tiny spark in every student to rebel, and in some it may get bigger. No doubt it’s a wonderful feeling to say, “No, I won’t… because I don’t want to.” And this is where assertiveness comes in. It is the same thing that gets them through all those problems. The general picture that the ‘adults’ have is that these youth would do anything to rebel, that - they’d rather not do something that they want to do, just because they’re forced to – simple reverse psychology. But that’s not true anymore, at least not today. Whether they’re asked to do something, or told not to, the only thing that finally matters is their own decision.

So that’s what we’re looking at. Exposure that teens get is incredible. So, even though it may sound a little far-fetched, they know what to do. Let them make their own mistakes and learn, they shouldn’t be and mustn’t be stopped (unless they’re in an extremely bad state). In short, give them a break, and see what they’re capable of.

Priya

leavin on a jetplane

2007-01-16T22:30:00.001-08:00

poetry

2006-08-02T08:48:00.000-07:00

i though this deserved to be on.. :)
written by one o me closest friends.. arun sarkar!
i really love it

First love

I ne'er was struck before that hour
With love so sudden and so sweet.
Her face it bloomed like a sweet flower
And stole my heart away complete.

My face turned pale, a deadly pale.
My legs refused to walk away,
And when she looked what could I ail
My life and all seemed turned to clay.

And then my blood rushed to my face
And took my eyesight quite away.
The trees and bushes round the place
Seemed midnight at noonday.

I could not see a single thing,
Words from my eyes did start.
They spoke as chords do from the string,
And blood burnt round my heart.

Are flowers the winter's choice
Is love's bed always snow
She seemed to hear my silent voice
Not love appeals to know.

I’ve never seen such sweet a face
As that I stood before
My heart has left its dwelling place
And can return no more

surprisin how hidden talents are revealed at times ;)

aww...

2006-07-06T07:03:00.000-07:00

well he's not really my 'hero'.. i mean, umm, u kno.. he's just this really adorable and sexy lookin guy. i'v watched football matches just to get a glimpse of him. trust me, i dono if he's a good player or wat position he plays or any of that.. but all i can say wen i look at michael ballack is aww...

i dint even know tht he existed until i saw the first WC match, germany vs. costa rica, and he was on the bench.. not playin. and espn showed the bench for like 1/7th of a second or somethin (argh! can't they like pause it right there). i ws like *huh whozzat???!*. believe me i sat thru the whole match just waitin for them to show the bench again.

i should say i owe it to him tht i started watchin the other matches, cos wen i saw the first game i realised tht i really liked watchin football :) and then thr were the jose+10 ads, whr they'd show him for another 1/7th of a second. (btw, i luuuv tht ad even apart from him)

just look at him.. aww... he's so cute

'so your in class 12 huh??'

2006-05-31T01:45:00.000-07:00

i h-a-t-e that question, cos i know totally wats gonna come up next. wat r u plannin to do after tht?? it seems more shockin than amusing to most of the ppl who ask me 'The Two Questions', that i haven't yet decided. not only do they do that, they also happen to think that it would be very nice if they mentioned it to all the livin souls on earth who they manage to communicate with *Attention everyone... its my life. Gimme a break*

if i say, i haven't decided yet, then thats 'exactly' wat it means. how is it, that to whoever i utter these words to, it sounds like i do have some idea... bcos their next question always is you must be having some idea...!

i have lots of dreams, which i do plan (atleast a few if not all) to bring to reality. i wana be a singer, a basketball player, an airforce pilot and the list coninues. i don wana run thru my life, i wana sit back and enjoy every single moment i have in school (whr its my last year, sob sob), with my friends and wateva else...

so wat am i gonna do after class 12? i'll decide wen time comes. until then there are more important things to worry abt. i mean i haven't even decided wat to wear for my bday, why would i care abt under grad an stuff now ;)

one of the things we r good at...

2006-05-28T10:05:00.000-07:00

all my gurl pals :)

ever felt so excited that u couldn stop jumping until u told someon wat u just found out?! i totally know what its like, it happens almost everyday. thats just how we are... girls. i don't call it gossiping, its just an enthusiastic discussion over not-so-important topics which is highly entertaining ;)

'psst... its her. can't belive she's actually acting like nothin happened'

'i know. oh gawd! could anyone get more bitchier??'

and it goes on and on and on

for those of you who wonder why we talk so much btwn ourselves and 'what' we could possibly talk about, read on.

the ques is why... the female gender is obviously the more expressive one. we like to share what we know. its so important to us, and is also a sign of trust. i have not one, but loads of bessssssst friends, and thats what they r for... they listen to me, i listen to them. when i bitch they bitch with me, when i praise they do too. leme just say, its nice to know, that thrs always someon to hear me out. for us girls, its just as interesting as football or a game of cricket for guys where they want to know every single detail, and knowing sooner is better!

and 'what' do we talk? anything at all from who was mean, and who was "cho chweet", to relationships, fashion, shopping, celebrities... name it and v could start off on that topic, provided it's not politics, world peace etc. and hey, we can talk about football and cricket too!

guys are wonderful company to be with, but there are times, wen u just need another girl to vent out your frustration or share your enthusiasm.