The Relentless Ally

"Life’s not fair... is it?" Opening line of Lion King. Who would've thought that the most innocent movie would have the most profound dialogue of all time! Yep, its true. There are no magical beginnings, smooth long rides or fairy-tale endings. I always thought that growing up wasn't a part of life, it was a choice. And you know what? Turns out I was right.

I was once the eternal optimist. There’s only a certain limit till when the drama is fun. And then what happens? Do we continue living in pretence for life? Sounds like a lot of hard work to go through. I’ve seen the stereotypes; we've all seen the stereotypes. The chick flicks can only get you so far along in life.

Cynical is not the word. Practical is. There’s a certain point when we think we've figured it all out. Actually that’s a lie. There are many points in life when we think that. Admit it! We thought that at 16, at 19, at 21... I don’t know when it stops. So maybe that is the mystery, maybe we’re never supposed to figure it out. We have all played the game. Is there ever a logical explanation as to why we do the same thing over and over again? Especially when we know how badly it ended the last time. The teeny tiny bit of excitement we get out of the first five minutes, and then all hell breaks loose.

And then there’s the only part of the whole ordeal that makes it ALL worth it. You want to crib, they let you. You want to cry, they hold you. You want to curse, they stir you up. You want them to say you were right, and they do. I guess in the end, life isn't supposed to be fair. But its okay as long you’re in the right company.

Time for goodbye

Its time for goodbye after 4 looooong years. There are so many memories that I couldn't possibly do it justice in these few words. When I look back at pictures over the years I realise how much has changed. And its not the height or weight, it is the entire person.

We develop so many inhibitions and we're afraid to let go of them. I remember the first day of college, when I didn't know anybody and talked to everyone and tried to be nice. Whatever happened to that person? I grew, I matured and I cut so many people out of my life. Once we step out of here, we have to actually start taking responsibility for ourselves- scary.

The next time I snooze my alarm, I'll lose a day's pay! And that is going to hurt so much. Tomorrow, I'm going to be forced to grow up without a choice. So right now, why not stay a kid. There will never be the perfect circumstance to kiss and make up, unless its done now.

The memory someone has of me, when they leave college, is how they're going to remember me always. And I would prefer if it were a healthy one. Maybe we shouldn't care about what others think because we can't let that dictate our lives. Yet, it never hurt to smile a little extra. I am no saint, but there's a long life ahead to carry on grudges. Must I start now...

Ever felt a pinch of regret looking back at an old photograph, wondering what happened to all that? It is time for goodbye, lets make it a kickass one!

Virtually Detached

I’d forgotten how much I loved bacon… I was enjoying every single piece while watching Armageddon. What is it about that movie? It never seemed to get old. Oh yeah! After this I decided, Troy!

Holidays were getting monotonous and I’d developed my routine. It was simple: Minimum 3 sappy movies, facebook and some good food. Stepping out in the heat, no way. I was in my ‘nooone-s-gonna-see-me-except-mom’ pyjamas when the phone rang.

‘Hello?’ I hadn’t heard that voice in almost a year but there was no mistaking it. I wasn’t going to be stupid so I said ‘Who’s this?’, and the inevitable reply came. ‘Why the hell are you calling me?’

‘Just like that, wanted to talk…’

THUD… I’ve always wanted to hang up like that. And again ‘Please just listen-‘ THUD… Awesome. I didn’t know I could be so cruel. And then the doorbell rang. No way, that doesn’t happen! It couldn’t possibly be him but it was.

Then I got the speech (the one I was expecting) right at the doorway. Well obviously I wasn’t going to let him in. I totally spaced out, not even listening, just watching him speak as I thought of a hundred things. I was in my above mentioned pyjamas, a t-shirt that could fit two of me, hair never looked worse, and bacon and mayo in my mouth. Hearing how beautiful I looked, should’ve made me feel great.

I smiled. I hadn’t smiled at him in a long time. Don’t know how I managed it And THUD, this time the door. 

And I ran up when the phone rang again. ‘Babe did he come? He said he was gonna come over to talk to you, just wanted to warn you. Just don’t talk to him ok.’

‘Ah I slammed the door…’

‘Are you serious? I though you might be upset’ she laughed, ‘I always knew you were a stone. But I’ll never understand how you got over it so easy, I wish I could be like that...’ I cut in, ‘Let’s find someone cuter tonight. Meet me at 7 o clock ok?’ I could picture her laughing at him.

She giggled, ‘Emotionless freak! It’s a date.’ She hung up. The phone was almost wet from the tears and my eyes were burning…

Drama Queen

She kept walking. It didn’t seem okay. Was she doing the right thing? Lying, she supposed, was relative. Is lying ‘lying’ when noone found out? The thing is, how would anyone ever know she was lying unless she spilt the beans or of course, if he let her down. But that wasn’t going to happen because he needed to keep up his reputation as well… Or does he?

Natasha had never been in a relationship as long as she could remember. Dealing with it wasn’t the only problem, how could she ever justify what all she’d done. Would he ever believe that she still loved him if he knew what she did? Then again, “love” was just a tag. She wasn’t sure if she knew the meaning. Maybe it was a just a word you’re forced to put in after it’s been a while. She felt like laughing. Or crying? She wasn’t sure.

It all seemed so dramatic. The only thing missing was pouring rain and some funny music that supposed to make you contemplate. But there was at least something she was sure of. Number one, that stuff happens only in movies. And number two, not a tad bitchy, but as bitchy as it might seem, to her, conscience was a myth. As many sappy movies as she’d seen, he maybe a Cary Grant but she definitely was no Deborah Kerr.

The truth is, the inside story is never told. Just how many guys did Deborah Kerr screw in that six month wait? Did they really hit it off after that? Well that’s what people really wanted to know, ‘Affairs to forget’. She dug into her bag for that last Marlboro and lit up. One thing was for sure, she’d never have the guts to tell him unless she was dumping him. She then sat on the bench overlooking the valley. One thing she’d never been comfortable with was going out alone. As much as she believed herself to be a strong, independent woman, somethings just wouldn’t change.

Then she dialled the only person who would take this bullshit from her. “Hey Dhanu, you up?” “When have you ever bothered? Tell me.” But somehow she couldn’t. Words were stuck inside, stuff she’d only read in books. “You drunk?” It jolted her back to reality. “No just wanted to talk. Forget it I’ll call you tomorrow, it’s late” and she hung up.

She got up. It was all crap. Nothing changed her. She’d always been this way as long at she could remember. The romantic rain was something meant for girls who had nothing better to do than curl up with a Mills and Boon novel at night. To think of it, she’d never read one. Stubbing out the cigarette, she put her phone back in her bag. And that’s when it started to drizzle…

*Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Dancing in the dark

She smiled at her reflection in the dark. It all seemed like so long ago...

"I'm coming pa...” Tara glanced at herself in the mirror for one last time and ran to the hall, “I’m ready”, she smiled. Her father turned back and grunted, “You look nice.” She beamed. It wasn’t often that she received a compliment from him. It had never been the same since her mother died, or so she’d thought. That was 11 long years ago. Time, she’d assumed, didn’t heal well enough in her case. An average 17 year old and a passionate dancer, Tara had learnt to let life be, learnt to accept things as they were, learnt to love her father…

Her legs ached from the strain, but she was relieved. Dancing was not only her passion but also her only way of relieving stress. It had always worked, through 11 years. She turned on the lights to check the time.

“Let me get my shoes,” she raced back into her room. The phone began to ring as she searched. She kept looking as it went on and on, and she finally picked it up. Hearing the click of the parallel line and her father’s voice, she was about to put it down. And then she heard her name…

‘Was it really yesterday?’ She counted on her clock. She hadn’t opened the door since the previous evening. She was starving, but that’s not what was killing her. She turned off the lights and drew the curtains.

“…Tara’s dance today. I promise you, 5 o clock tomorrow.”
He, who was so distant and seemed so uncaring, had cancelled his plans for her. She was too happy for words.
“Do you think I care?” It was a woman’s voice, “You promised me a dinner and I’m sick of it. When on earth is she turning 18 and why do we have to wait?”
“Soon, soon. It’s not my fault. Her stupid bitch of a mother left her everything. A few months and a couple of signatures and then I never have to see her again. We'll go to Geneva, just as you always wanted…”
THUD
She slammed the phone down. Tears just wouldn’t come. She’d always imagined that somewhere deep down, her father had loved her.

The music continued, she turned up the volume. She’d learnt to accept things as they were… and will always be…

Ah!

When you just feel like writing it all down..

• Pink balloons
• On the beach... sand between my toes
• Lying on the terrace
• Pork in hot garlic sauce
  
• George Clooney
  
• Bad horror movies
• Troy... *sigh*
  
• Riding in the night
  
• The 3 15 bell
• Winning lucky dips
• A snap where I smiled properly
• Finding ten bucks from nowhere
• Litchee juice
• Long island ice tea
  
• Phone calls at midnight
• 3 on 3 half court
• Last day of exams..
• Popcorn with extra extra butter
• Perfect shade of nail polish
• Parks. Swings!!!
• Walnut brownie with vanilla ice-cream and hot chocolate fugde
• Stilettos
  

I could go on.