N'fin much!!

Time for goodbye

2011-04-12T08:07:00.000-07:00

Its time for goodbye after 4 looooong years. There are so many memories that I couldn't possibly do it justice in these few words. When I look back at pictures over the years I realise how much has changed. And its not the height or weight, its the whole person from the inside.

We develop so many inhibitions and we're afraid to let go of them. Remember the first day of college, when we didn't know anybody and talked to everyone and tried to be nice. Whatever happened to that person? We grew, we matured and we cut so many people out of our lives, knowingly or unknowingly. We step out of here to start a new life, one like we've never seen before. One where we have to actually take responsibility for ourselves- tough, exciting and scary.

The next time we snooze our alarm, we'll lose a day's pay! And that is going to hurt so much more than paying off daddy's money as a fine. Tomorrow, we're going to be forced to grow up without a choice. So right now, why not stay kids. A regret we carry out of here, is a regret we carry for life. There will never be the perfect circumstance to kiss and make up or to make peace, unless its done now.

The memory someone has of me, when they leave college, is how they're going to remember me always. And I would prefer if it were a healthy one. Lets stop brushing off people. We may not care of what others think because we can't let that dictate our lives. Yet, it never hurt to smile a little extra or to forgive & forget. None of us are saints, but there's a long life ahead to carry on grudges. Must we start now...

Ever felt a pinch of regret looking a photograph back from first or second year, wondering what happened to all that? It is indeed time for goodbye, lets make it a kickass one!

What on f******k is going on?

2011-03-05T05:29:00.000-08:00

I have 769 friends on facebook! I found out my childhood friend's middle name cos of facebook, lol. How many people do we really know? Lets admit it, we add most people cos we want to know exactly what shit is going on in their lives. Otherwise we don't even say 'HI' when we run into them. Ten years back, a phrase like 'i added her' or 'i poked him' meant something else all together.

Unfortunately, we have entered the era of NO SURPRISES. I can't call anyone and say that I won a contest or even that I a got a new haircut. Because someone's status update told them before I did! I might run into someone on the road and say, "Oh its been so long, how are you?" Yet i know exactly how they've been, what they've been doing and even what they were wearing last Saturday night...

The most cruel thing that can happen to mankind, is the Photos App. There are things that just should not be seen, memories that nobody wants to dig up and those that are usually forgotten over time. But, oh no, we just don't let that happen anymore. In the 90's people used to tear up and throw away pictures that they don't want. But what about today? What do you do if its on one of your 769 friends' profile and your unable to get rid of it! ;)

Today's evil are the blackberrys... We had to wait till someone got back home or at least reached out for their laptops before they wrote something utterly useless or in some cases, terribly embarrassing for the whole world to see. However, now they just flip out their blackberry and go for the kill!

LOL, what ever happened to us? Remember the time when you poked someone physically. Remember the time when 'status update' was a phrase not commonly used in general conversation. Or when you had to actually work you way through flirting to find out if a girl was single!

Remember when we used to get surprised...

virtually detached

2009-05-26T03:40:00.000-07:00

I’d forgotten how much I loved bacon… I was enjoying every single piece while watching Armageddon. What is it about that movie? It never seemed to get old. Oh yeah! After this I decided, Troy!

Holidays were getting monotonous and I’d developed my routine. It was simple: Minimum 3 sappy movies, facebook and some good food. Stepping out in the heat, no way. I was in my ‘nooone-s-gonna-see-me-except-mom’ pyjamas when the phone rang.

‘Hello?’ I hadn’t heard that voice in almost a year but there was no mistaking it. I wasn’t going to be stupid so I said ‘Who’s this?’, and the inevitable reply came. ‘Why the hell are you calling me?’

‘Just like that, wanted to talk…’

THUD… I’ve always wanted to hang up like that.

And again ‘Please just listen-‘ THUD… Awesome. I didn’t know I could be so cruel. And then the doorbell rang. No way, that doesn’t happen! It couldn’t possibly be him but it was.

Then I got the ‘I was an idiot. It was a big mistake… blah blah blah’ same speech right at the doorway. Well obviously I wasn’t going to let him in. I totally spaced out, not even listening, just watching him speak as I thought of a hundred things. I was in my above mentioned pyjamas, a t-shirt that could fit two of me, hair never looked worse, and bacon and mayo in my mouth. Hearing how beautiful I looked, should’ve made me feel great.

‘You talking to me?’ I said and I smiled. I hadn’t smiled at him in a long time. Don’t know how I managed it And THUD, this time the door. ‘Please, this time its different trust me…’ And I ran up when the phone rang again.

‘Babe did he come? He said he was gonna come over to talk to you, just wanted to warn you. Just don’t talk to him ok.’

‘Ah I slammed the door…’

‘Are you serious? I though you might be upset’ she laughed, ‘I always knew you were a bitch. But I’ll never understand how you got over it so easy, I wish I could be like that. Are you sure you’re ok?’

‘Let’s find someone cuter tonight. Meet me at ccd, 7 o clock ok?’ I could picture her laughing at him.

She laughed, ‘Emotionless freak! It’s a date.’ She hung up. The phone was almost wet from the tears and my eyes were burning…

drama queen

2009-01-25T10:07:00.000-08:00

She kept walking. It didn’t seem okay. Was she doing the right thing? Lying, she supposed, was relative. Is lying ‘lying’ when noone found out? The thing is, how would anyone ever know she was lying unless she spilt the beans or of course, if he let her down. But that wasn’t going to happen because he needed to keep up his reputation as well… Or does he?

Aditi had never been in a relationship as long as she could remember. Dealing with it wasn’t the only problem, how could she ever justify what all she’d done. Would he ever believe that she still loved him if he knew what she did? Then again, “love” was just a tag. She wasn’t sure if she knew the meaning. Maybe it was a just a word you’re forced to put in after it’s been a while. She felt like laughing. Or crying? She wasn’t sure.

It all seemed so dramatic. The only thing missing was pouring rain and some funny music that supposed to make you contemplate. But there was at least something she was sure of. Number one, that stuff happens only in movies. And number two, not a tad bitchy, but as bitchy as it might seem, to her, conscience was a myth. As many sappy movies as she’d seen, he maybe a Cary Grant but she definitely was no Deborah Kerr.

The truth is, the inside story is never told. Just how many guys did Deborah Kerr screw in that six month wait? Did they really hit it off after that? Well that’s what people really wanted to know, ‘Affairs to forget’. She dug into her bag for that last Marlboro and lit up. One thing was for sure, she’d never have the guts to tell him unless she was dumping him. She then sat on the bench overlooking the valley. One thing she’d never been comfortable with was going out alone. As much as she believed herself to be a strong, independent woman, somethings just wouldn’t change.

Then she dialled the only person who would take this bullshit from her. “Hey Dhanu, you up?” “Bitch when have you ever bothered? Tell me.” But somehow she couldn’t. Words were stuck inside, stuff she’d only read in books. “You drunk?” It jolted her back to reality. “No just wanted to talk. Forget it I’ll call you tomorrow, it’s late” and she hung up.

She got up. It was all crap. Nothing changed her. She’d always been this way as long at she could remember. The romantic rain was something meant for girls who had nothing better to do than curl up with a Mills and Boon novel at night. To think of it, she’d never read one. Stubbing out the cigarette, she put her phone back in her bag. And that’s when it started to drizzle…

*Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

teen-(wha?)-age

2008-12-28T20:52:00.000-08:00

is it true? do teenagers really not know what they're doing?

i can firmly say i was mature enough and i knew exactly what i was doin the past 3 yrs. but am i fooling myself? i can't decide. i'm turning twenty in a couple of months and believe me thats hyuuuge...

wen i was 13 i thought im not 10 anymore i know what im doin. same with 16 and 13 and with 19 and 16. but 20 seems like a whole new level u know. people mite actually start listening to what im saying.

as cool as it is, sounds scary. i never pictured myself in a place where i've to take care of myself 'completely' even though that mite not happen til i finish college... like 22! the world just seems mainly expensive.

plus how can i do that in a place where deep down everyone still thinks im a kid! truthfully, its hard to be taken seriously wen u're hyper and u a 5'4" and look 16! the brighter side is, its exciting. will my opinion actually be valued among the so-calld adults. its a chance, shouldn let my hopes down

but wen will i really feel like im all grown up? does anyone ever feel all grown up or is it an illusion. do people just force themselves to act grown up to be respected and considered mature.

given a chance would they still pick li'l fights and punch each other, slam doors, sip on extra large ice teas and extra extra large popcorns, watch 3 movies back to back, run to an empty swing, speed on empty roads or buy pink balloons?
whoa! do i want to grow up :)

pissed off

2008-05-05T07:51:00.000-07:00

i want to live in a world where a can do watever the shit i want
im EIGHTEEN.. and being treated like a kid is not very nice
i've never written a post so disgusted.. shows how i feel
my head is bursting with things to say but i have to shut them all inside
funnily enough its not the people who piss me off, its the situation and the way things are
someone once asked me that if u cud change one thing abt urself wat wud it be.. blah blah blah..
i've always answered with nothing
still stands true, but i would LOOOVE to change a lot of things around me, believe me a lot
i just dont believe that patience is a virtue anymore
maybe it is my fault that things aren't going right
but if i could just make my own mistakes, i would be fine
the "interference" is what is bothering me
i know writing all this down doesnt help
but i just wanted to..
for the last time, please.. let me be...

Dancing in the dark

2007-04-19T09:33:00.000-07:00

She smiled at her reflection in the dark. It all seemed like so long ago...

"I'm coming pa...” Tara glanced at herself in the mirror for one last time and ran to the hall, “I’m ready”, she smiled. Her father turned back and grunted, “You look nice.” She beamed. It wasn’t often that she received a compliment from him. It had never been the same since her mother died, or so she’d thought. That was 11 long years ago. Time, she’d assumed, didn’t heal well enough in her case. An average 17 year old and a passionate dancer, Tara had learnt to let life be, learnt to accept things as they were, learnt to love her father…

Her legs ached from the strain, but she was relieved. Dancing was not only her passion but also her only way of relieving stress. It had always worked, through 11 years. She turned on the lights to check the time.

“Let me get my shoes,” she raced back into her room. The phone began to ring as she searched. She kept looking as it went on and on, and she finally picked it up. Hearing the click of the parallel line and her father’s voice, she was about to put it down. And then she heard her name…

‘Was it really yesterday?’ She counted on her clock. She hadn’t opened the door since the previous evening. She was starving, but that’s not what was killing her. She turned off the lights and drew the curtains.

“…Tara’s dance today. I promise you, 5 o clock tomorrow.”
He, who was so distant and seemed so uncaring, had cancelled his plans for her. She was too happy for words.
“Do you think I care?” It was a woman’s voice, “You promised me a dinner and I’m sick of it Rahul. When on earth is she turning 18 and why do we have to wait?”
“Soon, soon. It’s not my fault. Her stupid bitch of a mother left her everything. A few months and a couple of signatures and then I never have to see her again. We'll go to Geneva, just as you always wanted…”
THUD
She slammed the phone down. Tears just wouldn’t come. She’d always imagined that somewhere deep down, her father had loved her.

The music continued, she turned up the volume. She’d learnt to accept things as they were… and will always be…

:P

2007-03-01T02:58:00.000-08:00

ah!

2007-01-29T23:23:00.000-08:00

when u jus feel like writin it down.. things i love in life!!!

pink balloons
on the beach... sand between my toes
lyin in the terrace
pork in hot garlic sauce
george clooney
horror movies
troy... sigh
riding in the nite
the 3 15 bell
winnin lucky dips
a snap whr i smiled properly
findin ten bucks from nowhr
litchee juice
ice tea
phonecalls at midnite :)
3 on 3 half court
last day of exams..
popcorn with extra extra butter
perfect shade o nailpolish
shopping with dad's card
parks... swinging!!!
brownies with icecream an hot choc fugde
the perfect drink

i cud go on an on ....

leavin on a jetplane

2007-01-16T22:30:00.001-08:00

aww...

2006-07-06T07:03:00.000-07:00

well he's not really my 'hero'.. i mean, umm, u kno.. he's just this really adorable and sexy lookin guy. i'v watched football matches just to get a glimpse of him. trust me, i dono if he's a good player or wat position he plays or any of that.. but all i can say wen i look at michael ballack is aww...

i dint even know tht he existed until i saw the first WC match, germany vs. costa rica, and he was on the bench.. not playin. and espn showed the bench for like 1/7th of a second or somethin (argh! can't they like pause it right there). i ws like *huh whozzat???!*. believe me i sat thru the whole match just waitin for them to show the bench again.

i should say i owe it to him tht i started watchin the other matches, cos wen i saw the first game i realised tht i really liked watchin football :) and then thr were the jose+10 ads, whr they'd show him for another 1/7th of a second. (btw, i luuuv tht ad even apart from him)

just look at him.. aww... he's so cute